We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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