yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
