I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
