I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
