She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
