Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
