He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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