Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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