shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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