What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
