dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
