If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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