I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize