so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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