her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
