I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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