i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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