So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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