That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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