love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
