i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
