WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
