Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
