things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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