is your mom at the bar?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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