Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
