Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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