i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
