Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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