Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
