i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
