We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just high enough for therapy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
