I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
