Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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