Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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