yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
