Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
