how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
