i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
