if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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