Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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