There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
