He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
