I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
