i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
