I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
