Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
