I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
