They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
