Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
