stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
