I want to walk on stilts...naked
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
