i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
