you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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