david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
