Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
