Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
