I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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