I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
