I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
