Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
