hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize