You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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