remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize