"it" just moved
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
