is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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