so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
