I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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