sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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