I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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