just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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