Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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