I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
