i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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